thanks for the help We will try a few of these things and yes I can get into the router and change settings and so can he on the other end
the router I have is a calix 844E-1 and the modem is a cyber power I believe but ill have to go down and check that out again ( have to remove it from the wall ...

trying dmz yes we both turned off port forwarding when trying it
as far as who is hosting and who gets kicked out it doesn't matter who hosts or who joins either way it kicks the person out who joins
as far as the patch If I remember right it was the patch from this web page
and as far as being ...

OK so here is the deal this will take a little explaining to and I have read and followed instructions from other posts and have had some but in the end NO LUCK
I have the game full installed and the patch installed with it
My brother (Different state) has done the same
we would like to play each ...